Alien Wisdom

“…It is impossible to describe with mere words Stacy, the alien ship seems to undergo some kind of… transformation. For our listeners who still use radio devices: there is lightning, strange lights and unbelievable noise… its quite terrifying to be honest.“

“Don’t wet your pants Jeff, there is absolutely no reason to worry, the ship is just preparing for its long journey back to the galactic center, the alien delegation has been quite clear about this.”

“I can’t believe it has been a mere year since first contact… so much has changed…“

“Of course it has. Our alien guests have shared with us incredible knowledge, technology and spiritual wisdom. In just under a year, we have become a unified society that lives in harmony with its planet.”

“And this, they say, is just the beginning… if we pass the great assessment, we will be the youngest species ever to join the galactic community and have full access to the accumulated knowledge of over 12 thousand highly advanced civilizations from all over the Milk Way and beyond.”

“The possibilities would be endless... but do we deserve to be part of such an advanced community?“

“I sure hope so, Stacy. But in just a few moments, the alien delegation will declare their verdict, just before leaving earth and reporting back to the galactic council.“

“The tension is so thick, you could cut it with a knife, practical every world leader, scientist and journalist eagerly awaits the farewell speech of our alien friends.”

“For those of you how are not up to date: After one year of direct interaction with human society, the alien delegation will decide if we are worthy to join the galactic community.“

“Don’t be silly Jeff, of course we do. For the last year we have proven that we are much more than just hairless apes. Under the eyes of the visitors, we have been on our best behavior: we have learned to be peaceful, to distribute our resources fairly, to treat each other as human beings independently of race, religion or…“

“I’m just getting info from our science team that the alien ship has begun to ascent from the ground… also a communications channel has been opened, we should hear the last words from the delegation in just a few seconds.“

“Oh my God, this is the most exciting moment in…“

“People of earth!

It has been one sun-rotation since we arrived at your young world.

During this time we learned much of your ways, your struggles and your aspirations.

These impressions are the basis for the great assessment, to decide if you are to be part of the family of families.

Hear now our verdict:

We have come to understand that you are a people of limitless potential. In the shortest time ever recorded, you progressed through the stages of civilization. Your ambitions and capabilities seem without limit.”

“See, Jeff…”

“Yet, at the same time, you are still burdened by the animalistic instincts that ruled your distant predecessors. Despite rigorous and admirable discipline, your thoughts turn to anger and deceit far too quickly.

It is for this reason that the great assessment will be postponed by two generations.

Your potential mated with your nature makes this necessary.

At the time of our return, the great assessment will be repeated, but this time a negative verdict will necessitate the end of your species!“

“W-What the…is the translator working properly?”

“Do not take this as a threat, but understand that our decisions are for the good of all thinking beings. If Humankind does not master its violent urges, it will one day pose an immeasurable danger to all life in the galaxy.

To pass this final assessment, we have one last wisdom to offer you. It will be hard to implement, for it requires tremendous sacrifice, but for the good of your species, we urge you to take these last words to heart:

Dispose of all women!”

“Whaaat?... T-They cannot be serious…”

“The human female, by virtue of being the critical component of reproduction, never had to reach emotional and cultural maturity at the level of men.

Her survival and wellbeing was, and is, always safeguarded by men who, for this very purpose, created that which is known as civilization.

This absence of selective pressure, of the need to improve, left her in a state of childish immaturity.

Yet, at the same time, her role as the reproductive bottleneck grants her tremendous power in society.

Even today, you hold the female to much lower standards than yourself, because doing otherwise would dissuade her from following her natural purpose of reproduction, a role she fulfills with ever decreasing efficiency.

It is for this reason that the female is a constant burden on the male mind who, in order to please her, strays from the path of enlightenment.

This wisdom is not new to you: Philosophers of your many cultures came to similar conclusions ages ago.”

“I can’t believe this shit…”

“Therefore we urge you to use the knowledge we gave you to replace the female with a more reliable reproductive system. The future of mankind depends on it.

We wish nothing for you but peace and prosperity.

This is all.”

“…D-Did you hear that!? This is some kind of misogynistic joke!”

“…I’m getting reports that the alien ship has left earth orbit… every attempt at further communication on our part is being blocked…”

“Those fucking, creepy, little shits…how dare they to say something like this?!”

“…apparently there is a hot debate forming among the leaders of various nations…”

“This is so outrageous I can’t even begin to…”

“China and Russia have formed a coalition with the aim of euthanizing the entire female population of earth… they just declared nuclear war on everyone who is unwilling to join them…”

“Humanity would be nothing without women! We bring empathy, compassion, beauty….”

“India has just joined the coalition… as well as several east European countries…”

“This was Rape, I have just been raped by tiny alien dick!!!”

“The entirety of South America and the Middle East… including Israel have joined!”

“We will not stand for this, together we will overcome…”

“…there are several nuclear impacts in Germany and Sweden…”

“And even if men would actually try to… w-what the fuck are you doing Jeff!?”

“…saving the human race, Stacy…”