Meanwhile, in a parallel Universe
Two weeks now. Two weeks ago Becky met the man who finally would have ended her loneliness. And now he has blocked her. For the last few days, his initially vivid responses turned to fewer and fewer one-word replies. And now the contact was official cut. She had long since lost count on how many times she was blocked, ghosted or flaked by guys she initially had good chemistry with.
She reflected on what could have gone wrong this time:
They met each other at a game of Warhammer 40K. Becky adopted this particular Hobby because she heard that it was rather popular among geeky guys. Being rather geeky herself it made sense to her that here she could meet a guy to “click” with. She did not particularly like it but there were some enjoyable aspects of it, like the painting-part.
To her, he was not really attractive at first; short, chubby, receding hairline and all, but here and there she could find things to like about him, the colour of his eyes for example. More importantly, he seemed to be really interested in conversing with her, unlike the other men at those events. Talking with him on the regular made her feel acknowledged, like she was a real social person for once.
It must have been this feeling, this need he fulfilled, that made her fall in love with him. She just felt good in his presence. She had to be careful though, telling him how she felt could come off as creepy or needy and she did not want to raise any red flags. So she was content with the role of Tabletop- playmate for a few months, orbiting him, never to far but always at a respectful (social) distance.
However, after much deliberation about the correct time, she gathered all her courage, waited for a fitting opportunity and finally asked if he wanted to join her for a Coffee-date. He agreed and she invited him to a cup of Vanilla Latte, his favourite drink, as she had observed.
The date went far better than she could have ever imagined. They talked and laughed for hours, telling each other anecdotes and detail from their respective lives. Becky had to improvise on more than one occasion, because she did not want him to think that she was too much of a social outcast with no real live.
When the Coffeeshop was about to close, they made plans to leave. It turned out that their respective apartments where in the same general direction and they could walk together for a few minutes. They reached his flat first and, after a have-a-nice-evening-hug, he asked her if she would join him upstairs…
They had sex this evening. He seemed to enjoy himself, but for her it was rough, unpleasant and sometimes even painful and disgusting… and totally unsatisfying. However, the fact that he wanted her at all, that she could please the man whose presence made her feel so much better, made it well worth it for her.
They met several times after that; dating, talking, playing, and fucking. She was so overjoyed that she was no longer alone, and certainly they could later work on the sex-part to make it more enjoyable for her.
And now it was all in ruins. The life she imagined she could have had with him, explosively evaporated like tears falling into a hot frying pan. She played with the thought of confronting him at the next Warhammer event, but decided against it since she did not want to play into the notorious nice-girl stereotype. There was nothing that could be salvaged anyway, she knew this from experience. Many times now, she had met guys, online and off-, got to know them, liked them, loved them and they always broke her hart after a few quick fucks. She was lucky this time, on other occasions men would abuse, beat and (one time) rape her before ending the short lived “relationship”.
To add insult to injury, she learned absolutely nothing new from these failures. From her point of view, she did everything a women was supposed to do in order to get with a man. She put herself out there, she was respectful in her approaches, and she tried to be interesting. She had good hygiene, exercised a lot, was in shape, stylish and good with makeup. The last part was rather important since her face was average at best. But for some reason, she never managed to get into a stable, long time relationship, and her biologicals clock ticked louder and louder, her being 29 and all.
The frustration made her mind wander to dark places. Could it be that men, in general, are just cruel bastards? After all, all they had to do in order to attract women was to just exist. And why should they do anything more? They did not have a biologicals clock telling them to start a family rather sooner then later, the pressure was solely on women. And when women came to them so easily, why would they put any value on the attention (or feelings) of and average girl like her, replaceable as she was in the male view?
Not wanting to fall deeper into that rabbit-hole, Becky went for the internet. Searching for an online-community that gave support to romantically struggling women like herself. She logged in and began to post:
u/LonelyBecky000:
Hi guys, I hope this is the right place but I really have a few things to get out of my system and maybe you have a few tips for me. Today I was ghosted for the umpteenth time. I really though this guy was the right one since everything seemed to fit just perfectly. We spend many hours together and he really seemed to have a good time with me. I really don’t get why this always happens to me. Every time this happens I feel totally crushed and it takes more and more time to recover from such a blow. I’m so afraid that I will not find anyone while I’m relatively young to make happy memories with. I’m 29 already and never had real relationship. Worst part is that I’m starting to resent men in general for treating me this way.
u/MDBVer2:
Girl, you are twenty-fucking-nine, that’s still very young, you have time. It’s absolutely normal for women your age to have never had a relationship.
u/nodnarb232001:
Maybe just maybe you have trouble dating because you are an asexual, like me?
Hey OP, sorry this happened to you. People can be shitty but this is no excuse to resent an entire gender. It’s really important that you start to see men as people and not just tools to “make happy memories with”.
u/LonelyBecky000:
I do see them as people of course, never claimed anything different. It’s just that literally all the men I have been with have mistreated me in some way. It’s almost like they get cruel enjoyment from breaking me or something.
u/nodnarb232001:
Maybe just maybe you get mistreated because you are trans, like me?
Please think about what the common factor in all those experiences is.
u/LonelyBecky000:
Men?
u/the_moonshine:
He means you darling.
u/LonelyBecky000:
That sounds a lot like Victim blaming. Of courses I’m not perfect but you cannot seriously imply that it is my fault that those guys treated me like shit.
u/nodnarb232001:
Maybe just maybe it’s your fault because you are a balloon fucker, like me? (I’m not even making this up, lol)
u/the_moonshine:
Men don’t want much in a women, just be a decent person and you should be fine. If you cannot even manage that then yes, it’s your fault.
u/LonelyBecky000:
I think I’m an ok person, at least according to my family and co-workers. And you don’t need to be this hostile.
Translation: “I fulfil the bare minimum and am therefore entitled to a long and happy live with Prince Charming, REEEEE don’t criticize me!!!!”
u/LonelyBecky000:
Look, I don’t expect a relationship to just fall into my lap. I know that there is a lot of work involved, which is why I put a lot of effort into my appearance and try to be an interesting person. I hope you understand why it frustrates me that I’m still alone.
u/RedThornx:
You are frustrated because you think that men are vending machines where you just to have to put work-coins in and a relationship falls out. If you want men to stay with you, be a person that men want to stay with.
u/MDBVer2:
Relationships are overrated anyway, I must know, I had several. If you want company just adopt a cat.
u/the_moonshine:
The fact that you put such emphasis on your appearance shows how little you think of men. They are not as visual and you are just projecting your insecurity’s on them. Looks fade with time and are not relevant to forming a long-term relationship. Personality is key. Speaking of which, what is so interesting about you anyway?
u/LonelyBecky000:
At this point you are just twisting my words to make me appear as a men-hater…
To answer your question: I try to be interesting by adopting new hobbies, trying to enjoy myself there and hoping to find men to connect with.
u/the_moonshine:
If the shoe fits.
Translation: You infiltrate spaces were men just want to indulge in their interests and try to seduce them with your put on looks. Sounds not creepy at all.
u/RedThornx:
This is not going to work sweetheart, no matter how good you look, men can sense your sexist attitude by the way you speak, stand, fart, stare. This is a survival mechanism we adopted to not fall victim to hateful psychos like you.
u/LonelyBecky000:
I’m ending this conversation now; it was clearly a mistake to come here, you people are crazy and totally biased.
u/RedThornx:
Geez, no wonder you are alone.
u/nodnarb232001:
Maybe just maybe she is just frustrated because she is a minor attracted person, like me?
Anyway I finally got access to @DrPizza´s cloud-stash, who is interested?
Gimme!!!
u/the_moonshine:
Here^^
u/RedThornx:
Me want
u/MDBVer2:
Yesssss
By now Becky was totally hopeless. She felt more alone than ever and had absolutely no idea on how to improve her situation. “Maybe it is better not to live at all than to grow old like this.” she thought, her gaze wandering to the window. Her flat was in the 7th floor, no way she would survive the fall. She never was afraid of height; it would just be like taking a step.
Just as she rose from her seat she noted an Ad popping up in her browser: “Feeling lonely? For just 50 bucks per month this prince will give you the boyfriend experience of your life!” Below those lines was a picture of an average looking guy, smiling into the camera.
How different life would be for us in this line
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